i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
