I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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