also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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