thus making me awesome and them whores
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He passed out mid-signature
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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