i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
