i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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