just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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