Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
