a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
