i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
