I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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