I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
