I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And then he peed in my hair
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