If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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