I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
