Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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