my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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