Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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