I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
how does that bad decision feel?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
