I faked an abortion last night.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
