New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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