farters have to be the big spoon...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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