Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
