I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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