Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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