I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
