You're my little dorito
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
