Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
