billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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