butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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