We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
