there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
