I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
