mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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