It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
