No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
