Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
