I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
