proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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