My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
