I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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