I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
