he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
