If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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