I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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