Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
