so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
