She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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