You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
