This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
