A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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