Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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