She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
