it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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