I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Welp...herpes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
