Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
