They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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