well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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