Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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