FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
