I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
