and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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