you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
