What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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