Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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