17 year olds will be the death of me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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