....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They have beer where we have blood.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
