90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
