we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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