literally had 100 drinks last night.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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