the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
