She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
