what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
