...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
