I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think i have herpe
just one?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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