# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
