PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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