Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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