Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
