im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
