I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
