Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
